I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
