marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
