..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
well you can't waste a boner
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
