I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Randomize
