Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
