i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
