My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
