There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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