I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
