Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Every concussion has its silver lining
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
