There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
