someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She's the barista slut.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
