the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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