i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
