So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
