I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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