so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
