i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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