I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think my fart just growled at me.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
