I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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