Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize