rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
