Don't you send me to vm
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
