dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
