now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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