Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
