when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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