Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
