We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I lost the right to judge tonight
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize