Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
