I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
