just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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