he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
