today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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