The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
