I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
