Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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