Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
