So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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