you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
