there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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