I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he fucked my hip out of place.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize