just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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