im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
