Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
