You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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