There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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