i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
