***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
