I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
