Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
