I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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