wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
