Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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