the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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