...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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