he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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