She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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