just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
