Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
This is my gift to your gina
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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