Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
