Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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