Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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