ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
