it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
