I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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