Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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