Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
