from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize