Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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