I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
