just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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