chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
