Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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