You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
another moral hangover. fuck.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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